Perhaps I can explain, some. I dislike crowds. I dislike people (as in the general population, people). I'm uncomfortable around new people, and can rarely think of anything to say. I'm rotten at small talk. My sense of humor is generally too snide(and/or obscure) for general consumption. I am not an outgoing individual. I tend to sit in corners & observe.
On top of that, pile on a deep-seated dislike of the whole concept of marriage, it's history, and it's traditions. Skeeves me out, gives me hives. We can get into the whys of that in some other conversation...suffice to say that it's there, and it's not something I can ignore. Add in a generous dollop of distrust for any organized religion, and you can see why a wedding is a virtual hell for Raaven.
Blessedly, I had insulation. C & D were there, and I feel comfy with them. I clung a bit, I suspect...but they were wonderfully patient and supportive. M was there, I feel comfy with her. I know J pretty well from online, and got to meet A, who I felt fine with. All good.
The beginning of the day had all the earmarks of a true ordeal. I lost my invitation, and couldn't remember the address or time. I got extremely little sleep, and that was broken. My sinuses were acting up. I had no hot water to shower in this morning, and so got luke-cool instead. The subway wasn't running to Manhattan; I'd have to ride out to Coney Island and take another train line into the city. It'd probably make me late, and I didn't think they'd let me in late. Yargh.
It all worked out. I found the invitation, and even if I hadn't, a couple of folks responded to my panicked, middle-of-the-night email asking for the details. The sinus-y thing led to a headache, which nearly became a migraine, but was mostly averted by assorted drugs & a nap (and this was all after the wedding, anyway). The cool shower I just dealt with, and I ended up taking a car service to the wedding; got there in plenty of time. Then I got to spend some pleasant time with some of the above-mentioned initials.
I'm glad I went, but equally glad it's over. Hopefully, there will be no more weddings in my life in the near future. :)