a fair and balanced birdthing (raaven) wrote,
a fair and balanced birdthing
raaven

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A Bad Night

Most of the time I am a person of reasonable mood. Occasionally, however, I have extreme moments of hyper-depression, and such was the case last night. It started with the previous post (or rather, the fact that I learned that it had happened yet again), and only went downhill from there.

Much of the day yesterday, I was preoccupied with the thought that my circle of friends is growing smaller as I get older. As evening came on, the thought became more prevalent. See, I know why...it's that many people in my age bracket are part of a permanent couple, and/or having children. I, on the other hand, not only am not, but have no interest in doing so. As people fade off to become involved in their domestic lives, they have less time for friends. Or they're more likely to spend time with other couples, with other kids. Or whatever. So my social circle shrinks.

Being the anti-social curmudgeon that I am, my circle isn't that big to begin with...and mostly that's fine. But sometimes I get especially, achingly lonely, and that's no fun. I was feeling it particularly last night.

By the time I went to bed, I was sobbing, convinced that Banzai (my cat) would die while I was sleeping. Sounds like a great excuse for a bout of insomnia to me. I finally fell asleep with my hands on my shoulders, arms crossed across my chest, staring at the ceiling. Needless to say, I did not sleep well. Banzai lived through the night, and I am exhausted this morning, despite an early breakfast with friends and many cups of coffee. Now to get through another 10 hour day...
Tags: daily life, friends, misc
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